i feel as though i am a brilliant fool. i feel stupid i feel smart i don't know what to believe anymore people have told me i sound very smart or mature but i have not done anything much so far. i feel as though i have done nothing all my life i hardly go out i have little friends and my experiences are very limited. i feel as though my hole life i have to this point i have learned little of true value and i feel as though this wasted time will haunt me for all of my existence. i feel as though i wasted sixteen years that feel like an eternity yet no time at all. i have been told i am smart i have been told i have potential but it dos not matter because i am completely clueless. i seek someone to help to light the way teach me show me new experiences i seek friends i seek some to love. yet i have still done nothing i waste my life on a chair and play on a screen i know nothing in reality only fading theory's. i feel as though i have wasted my life even though its only a small part of my life i feel like its all and i am doomed now because of times past. i regret it so much yet while i still have time i continue to play my life away games lose meaning and the amusement fades. i have wasted this time i know not of life if you talk to me on the street you may see i don't know how to talk to you i feel as though i have wasted my life on a screen. i don't know why but i started rhyming at some point.............. whatever. anyway basically if you want a explanation strait up here's it. at school i have been told i'm smart many times even though my grades are bad honestly mostly because of homework and its mostly staff that say that but i never think its sincere. my hole life i didn't really do much mostly just stayed home. when i was young i was a sad kid. and by this point you probably know about how i am now. never went out never talked to people i have some problems and i always felt like less when i was younger. i think people try to cheer me up like they compliment me they did more more when i was younger but i am not sure if there sincere and it really screwed with my head after a while i suppose if they weren't being sincere than i didn't want the compliment it hurt. i don't receive a hole lot of affection unless you count compliments that i don't know if there sincere but umm i mean more like hugs and stuff. i am so slow to do so many things that take brain power i don't know so many practical things i should i can hardly focus i don't have much will to do anything and i just don't get some get things . now i don't want to go out in public. i am scared that ill embarrass myself say something stupid have a emotional out burst not be able to keep it in lose something or have trouble getting home. i need experiences to fix it but i don't want to go out i am scared i know i shouldn't be but i am. i can talk sometimes as if i am much older have much more experience than i do i suppose i do pick up on things but yet in a way i still know next to nothing.
i am sorry i am starting to slack on these goodbye things but umm goodbye.
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